And Bill Belichick kicks off the NFL season with....

Today my boys turned on ESPN for their daily intake of lockouts, trades, free agency, steroids, player felonies and Viagara and Miller Lite commercials. As a Cleveland family, the half-hour usually ends in sadness for the young men, as it did today when they saw highlights of the Indians no-hitter pitched against them. Then our attention turned to highlights of former Browns coach/New England coach Bill Belichick's press conference. I’m not sure what he was saying,  because I was lulled into a state of unconsciousness. I remember him mumbling something about acquiring Albert Haynesworth from the Redskins, and then….wah wah wah wah wah waaaaaaaa, like the adults on Peanuts.  I then dreamt government reps were reading tax instructions and forms aloud. As I woke up, I heard Belichick still droning on. It was just like watching golf. The man has not changed in 20 years, not since Modell kidnapped the Browns and---what did Bill say? I really can't remember---likely said, 'Wow, this was a surprise by Art.  Hey, are we taking first-class to Baltimore?' 

He was so boring then, and he’s boring now.

I don’t fault him, though. I think he can coach. The man’s got SuperBowl rings; we don’t.

But could he take some kind of charisma class or something? Surely there’s an app for Belichick Syndrome.

I thought to myself, self, has he ever said anything really powerful and motivational? Any Lombardi words of wisdom?  Since I’m  not exactly in the huddle, I went to www.thinkexist.com to find his best quote.

And there were none. Well, there were quotes, but no soundbites.

Try:

"This won't be good enough. It wasn't good enough today. It won't be good enough against anybody else, either."

Or: "What pleased me most probably was that we made decent steps with fundamentals and the foundation of the team."


And then, I, being a Bitter Chick, did the thing where you lump everyone together. This inarticulate pattern is a Browns head coach tradition! Remember the quotable Chris Palmer? Exactly. How about Eric Mangini? What did he ever say?


Even when he got FIRED, for Pete's sake, this is the best he could come up with:  "Our goal was to build a team for long-term success," Mangini said. "The core characteristics we were dedicated to, I believe, will help achieve that goal, and have provided a strong identity for this football team and have helped to create a positive foundation upon which the organization can continue to build."


Huh? You fired up now? No?


The Belichick Syndrome is like waking up after your eyelids fell for a few minutes in calculus class and writing down the last phrase, X+Y= WTH. Not only did you not catch the answer, but you have NO EARTHLY IDEA what was just said, but you know IT MUST BE IMPORTANT because THAT IMPORTANT GUY IN FRONT SAID IT.


Friends and fans, and especially fellow writers, as we start the NFL '11 and Madden '11 Hayden season, here's hoping Coach Shurmur is infinitely more quotable.


Though I'd settle for a more quotable season. Wouldn't you?#


Bitter Kris is a freelance writer and native Clevelander who's always looking for a good quote. She believes her labradoodle is more quotable than Cleveland football coaches.

March MAC-ness Memories

By Alanna Klapp

Thanks to March MAC-ness, I can create a smoky eye in five minutes. I couldn't do that at all before, like contacts and eye drops, but I can do all three now. (I have a weird thing with touching my eyes, but I've made substantial progress.)

We began the evening at 87 West, where Bitter KK showed us her best West Coast Offense.




Kristen Kaleal aka Bitter KK

From left to right: Gerry (aka Bitter KK's Mom) and Kristen

From left to right: Kaye, Paige (Bitter Shoes), and Kasey

From left to right: Kaye, Paige, Kasey, Susan, and Ruth

From left to right: Alanna (Bitter AK), Marie (Bitter Chick MC), and Val



Then it was off to the MAC Store at Crocker Park. We spent some time browsing colors and consulting the Artists.

Although we are Bitter Orange and Brown, the decision was unanimous to not try these colors.

Our colors were chosen, and we were ready to start our makeup lesson.



The Artists helped us apply our makeup. Here is this Bitter Chick's finished game face.

Then it was time to SHOP! The best part about this class is the cost is $50, which comes in the form of a gift card that you can use to buy products afterwards.

Thanks to Bitter KK for organizing this fabulous event, the ladies at the MAC Store and especially to all those who came!