Sunday, December 8, 2013

What would I rather do?

In light of the Browns playing at New England today with our recently concussed QB Jason Campbell at the helm and two random other guys at the ready* in case anything should happen to Mr. Campbell plus the previous two games of sheer H-E-double hockey sticks against the Bengals and the black and gold team we all hate (whew! someone is long-winded today), I have made a list of other stuff I would rather do than watch this game today. Unfortunately, after having the flu all week, I am not well enough to actually do any of the above, so I will have to couch it today and suffer through the game. Kill me.

I do have to say, though, that I will celebrate the fact that we won't have to see currently concussed** B. Weeds in the game at all. 


* Caleb Hinie Hanie probably got to take five snaps with the practice squad this week and Alex Tanney, the YouTube trickster QB, made a video of himself hurling passes and knocking down Christmas decorations on the lawns of houses around the Berea training facility. This may or may not be true. But still, take THAT, giant inflatable Grinch! Now that I think of it, wouldn't that be more like hitting the broad side of a barn? Your accurate throwing prowess does not impress me, sir!

** I like the word concussed. It reminds me of swearing. Which reminds me of the Browns. So maybe I don't like the word concussed all that much.

So let's start that list of things I would rather be doing....RIGHT NOW! Hey look, it's time for kickoff!!!

1. Create a day-by-day rundown (with visuals) of Hollie Strano's outfits over the last  year. 
A permanent fixture on Mr. Blackwell's "Must Destroy" List.

2. Listen to the entire Phil Collins Songbook. 

3. Watch the Sarah McLachlan sad doggy commercials on a continuous loop for four quarters plus halftime.

4. Ride all of Cedar Point's rides. In the snow. By myself. While I have the flu. 
 But who would start them?? 

5. Go clothes shopping with my mom. 


Not my mom. (Because I would be standing behind her with my arms crossed like a poorly-mannered child.)

6. Attend a country concert wearing appropriate "country fan" apparel. 
 When in Rome...NEVER!!!

7. Listen to the Really Big Show.

8. Dress up like a mattress and wave at people outside a mattress store in a questionable neighborhood. 

9. Sit at a table with someone who ordered the Greenhouse Tavern's special menu item "half a pig head."
You are what you eat. Read this.

10. Watch all the Charlie Brown specials for every holiday, including the stupid camp one. (And I mean the one where he goes to camp and not the one where he prances around in women's clothing.)

Oh, Chuck. The holidays remind me of why I don't like you, too! Please go away. 


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  2. I ended up napping at halftime and didn't wake up until the game was already over. Best nap I ever took. ;)